Sunday, December 30, 2007

New twist on an old classic

I have invented a new game. You will need:
-2 NES
-2 zappers (pref. one orange, one grey)
-2 duck hunt carts (or any combo cart that has duck hunt on it)
-2 televisions
-2 hands

You thought you were good at Duck Hunt? You were so good you could play with either hand and still shoot all of them? You can clay shoot a single pixel? You're completely bored of Duck Hunt? Well, you haven't played DOUBLE DUCK HUNT!


Try to get two zappers of a different colour so that you aren't confused. Start a game of Duck Hunt on both TVs. Try two ducks on each screen if you're feeling especially adventurous/cocky. NOW GO!




Ok, you still think you're a good shot? Move back from the TV. Try clay shooting on one screen and duck hunting on the other. Mmm, sensory overload!

This is a great use for free TVs from the classified ads. They don't need to be good, or new, they just need to be able to resolve Duck Hunt to an OK degree. Then you can shoot them for real afterwards if you want to feel really pro. Just make sure you have parental approval and are following all the firearm restrictions in your area.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas Crank

It's 00:20, December 26th, and the rose goggles of Christmas are wearing off. I'm not lying, it's nice to be done finals, it's nice to have a break, it's nice to eat fancy food, but.... Well, to quote my roomate, "Is it bad that I'm bored already?". I moved my life to a new city when I went to university, I really don't have much left here. I see my parents fairly frequently. All of my high school friends are out of town, and my university friends are scattered across the country. My external hard drive and gaming systems are all at my ghetto shack. I've seen every family member I never knew I had in the last 4 days. So, instead of posting something sappy and uplifting, I post a small sample of living with my mom:

Me *drying dishes*: Where does this dish go?

Mom: It goes in that cupboard over there.

Now, that's enough direction for a 20 year old who previously lived in the house, right? No, think again.

Mom: It goes in that empty spot on the bottom shelf, to the left, behind that jar.

Mom: You'll have to move the jar. You should put down the dish you're holding, pick up the jar, move the jar, then pick up the dish, put it in its spot, put the jar back in front of it, then close the cupboard door.

I'm surprised she didn't tell me to breathe. No matter what I do, it seems that I'm perpetually 3 again when I go home.

Me: *sets table, puts out salad dressing, puts out butter dish, asks everyone what they want to drink, pours drinks*


Me, interrupting: I did.

Mom: Well, don't forget to put out th...

Me: I did.

Mom: And make sure to get the butter an...

Me: *cough* Look at the table!

Mom: Well, good. Go ask your brother what he wants to drink.

Me: Unnggguuhhhh!

One of these days, I'd like to come home and be 20. I'd like to be able to decide when I shower, which friends I can call, who I can go visit, and what I'm wearing. Sometimes I think I'm exaggerating when I tell my friends about my holidays, but then I remember how I got grounded last Christmas. Seriously. How do you ground an adult with a laptop, a copy of all your house and car keys, and enough bitterness to make cyanide jealous?

Apparently I have overly optimistic notions of what holidays should be like.

Friday, November 23, 2007

You CAN get full off of ice cream

This about sums up my semesters:

Week before classes: Make a plan of all the things I'm going to do this semester, like volunteer, eat healthy, and exercise. Start exercise. Buy lots of vegetables. Learn a new recipe.

First day of class: Go to new club meetings and investigate various volunteering options on campus.

First week of class: Realize I don't have any paper. Or binders. Or duotangs. Or pencils. Or erasers. Or textbooks.
Buy pencils and paper.

Second week of class: Search frantically for used textbooks to avoid getting pwned. Find some binders somewhere.

First month of class: Exercise occasionally, eat well.

Second month of class: Begin stressing out about upcoming midterms.
Stress out about upcoming midterms.
Experience first-hand the terrors of midterms.
Work self to death.
Eat candy.
Forget about volunteering.

Third month of class: Why am I still writing midterms? When was the last time I cleaned my room? When was the last time I did laundry (first month of class). Eat grilled cheese sandwiches all month. Finish midterms, then spend 2 days recovering and doing laundry.

Fourth month of class: Still recovering from 3rd month of class. Have no idea what has happened since third month of class. Panic about finals. Live off of PBJs because they're easier than grilled cheese. Eat random food found in the fridge. Eat the random food in the freezer. (today I ate the rest of my ice cream, because I was out of... food) Eat that 3 year old spaghetti in the cupboard. Forget to shower. No clean clothes. No motivation. Can't remember the last time I touched a vegetable besides a potato chip.
Write finals, collapse.

So welcome to the dark abyss of my mind during exam season. Hopefully anyone reading will get to catch glimpses of my happy and funny side, if it hasn't been rolled over by a steamrolller. No promises.
I tend to veer off on tangents. Pick your tangent from the menu on the right.